Witty Expose About Renting Movies

Hello, I am college student and cannot afford $5 dollar rentals at Blockbusters. I cannot afford, or manage my time properly, to make Netflix effective. And I am too particular, too interested in old movies, to find what I’m looking for at RedBox and Family Video.

Hello, University Media Library. Down the hill and tucked away in a corner of the second floors hides six “shelves” of movies, organized by the 26 characters of the Roman alphabet and stored in thin, plastic cases. Your rentals are free, you live right next to my classes, and I may renew my rentals online any time of day. God of college students, bless you.

Problem: thumbing through each Roman character—all the A’s thrown between two dividers, organization besides that nonexistent—hurts my eyes and my poor finger tips. Those thin plastic cases hurt, I promise. Plus, you say you have a movie, but you don’t. Property loss? Lost and Found?

Can’t find.

Hello, Warren County Public Library. Yes, I still live on Affirmed Circle . . . well, I did two summers ago. What’s that? You have a movie collection? May I take a look? Excellent selection, excellent organization skills . . . very poor customer service. I was confronted by a similar problem in Illinois last summer—librarians are snippy with me. I promise I was nice, well I was on my cell phone once, but that was because I was adding due dates to my iCalendar! Really you have the movie I’m looking for? Where? Over there? That’s it? That general direction? Well gee thanks; I found it after half an hour.

One way or another, fighting the obstacles that threaten to stand in my way—money, organization, finger-pains, misplaced titles, rude movie guardians—I’m moving towards my new year resolution steadily.

90 days into 2011, and I’ve watched 91 movies. 13 weeks in 2011, and I’ve submitted work to 13 publications. I’m a quarter through this goal, and it feels pretty good.

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