a poem about freedom

free

one day, i will describe these days as me freedom.

 

“i lived out of a suitcase

and wore the same outfits for months at a time;

i went where i wanted

and visited friends

and made new friends.

i didn’t share

and i tried not to be afraid.

it was 2016,

and i owned the fucking world.”

 

i’ll tell the story of Mike

and how, at 26, i realized i wanted to marry a man

not because i loved him

and not because i loved the future i saw with him

but because he’s who i was with

when marriage seemed like the next thing.

 

it’ll be a favorite parable of mine,

one friends and children and friends of my children will roll their eyes at.

i’ll say:

“a almost missed this,”

i’ll say:

“i was standing at the gate in o’hare

and i knew i was deciding my life.

go back, and i’d be compromising and going back to him, for him,

for the rest of my life.

get on the plane, and I’d be free.”

 

there is more to this story,

but it will keep for now;

i have to go.

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