the end of 2016

Live from New York: New Years Eve reflections on 2016

What is it about New Year’s? Is it the hope of what the new year holds… love? … travel? … better? I leaned out the window of our AirBNB and see the lights of New York, the glow of Time Square in the distance. It feels fresh and raw. Last year, I started the new year with flowers at Ipanema Beach. This year I have on two layers of socks in an East Village apartment. When I lean out the window, I feel myself on the edge of my life, ready to jump; to fall or to fly. I feel bustling with potential, like I could have this and could live my entire life in just a moment, leaning out the window on New Years, breathing in chilled air.

What do I want from 2017? What do I need from 2017?

2016 has been about living. No goals were met because no goals were set. Rather, I let go and I just followed whatever whim popped into my head. There were mistakes and some life lessons, some new friends and a boy or two I probably should not have kissed, but here I am at the end of another year, healthy, wealthy and a little wiser than I was 365 day earlier. But it feels like it’s been an aimless year, one where I flitted around waiting for someone to point me in a direction.

What I need from 2017 is my own goals. I need to purge the things I don’t need from my life and I need to fill that space with silence. No noise. No half-brained ideas about what I can do. No outside opinions. No clutter.

I need silence.

I need to figure out who I am without anyone elses opinion of who I should be. I need to figure out who I want to be, what I don’t want from life and what I want.

100%. I am having a quarter life crisis, but it’s not really a crisis because I’m not panicked. I’m reevaluating, and pushing everyone and everything away so I can get the silence to need to recalibrate.

When I lean out the window, I feel myself on the edge of my life, ready to jump; to fall or to fly.

 

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